FUNNY TALE: The Lady in 4P

Our family was on our way to California for my cousin’s wedding. We were so excited. I couldn’t wait for my three children, ages 6, 4, and 3 to experience their first airplane ride. Needless to say, it was an experience that I wouldn’t want to repeat anytime soon. The trip was doomed from the start. At the airport we found out that the powers that be had failed to seat our family together. I was thinking while the attendants were checking us in, “Do you not see 3 little kids here and you expect to split us up?”  “Are you crazy?”  They divided us into groups of  3 and 2.  I had the two youngest kids and my husband had our oldest daughter.  Great,  just great.  I was looking forward to relaxing while the kids were fascinated by the novelty of the plane. Maybe I could even read a chapter or two of my book.  It was not to be.  Me and the youngest were in the front  of the airplane. My husband had our eldest and best behaved daughter, in the back of the plane. As soon as we took off, my two youngest started driving me crazy.  They were like human silly putty, bouncing up to see over the seats. Then peering between the seats to see what the people behind us were  doing.  I was on constant alert!  The bathroom trips were endless!  I was a human yo-yo, up and down, up and down.  I told them, “that’s it, you’re holding it until we land!”  Then came the worst part of the trip. I had to go. Somehow in the repeated  trips up and down the aisle, I had forgotten to go myself.  I looked over the seats and tried to get my husband’s attention to come up and sit with the kids so I could make a run for the bathroom. As soon as I got his attention, my progress was halted by the beverage cart blocking the aisle! Great, now I have to wait. The beverage cart took forever to clear us. Then, all the trays were down for the drinks. I couldn’t ask the kids to fold the trays back up and hold their drinks. I knew darn well they would spill them.  So, I waited some more.  I finally got my husband to come up and sit with all of our brood while I dashed to the bathroom.  There was a LINE!  A line?  No, I cannot hold it anymore!  “Please hurry,” I thought.  Here it comes, I finally get into the 2″ by 4″ chemical toilet, pulled down my pants and quickly proceeded to let it go!  All of a sudden, I felt a little warm trickle running down my leg. When I looked down, the pee was flowing down my leg onto the floor and running under the door!  Oh NO!  I looked behind me and realized that I didn’t bother to look at the toilet and the lid was closed!  The sad thing was, I couldn’t stop peeing.  It just kept coming out!  I was mortified!  Now what???  Then, I hear a soft knock on the door.  The flight attendant was asking me gently if everything was alright in there.  I thought, “No, things are not alright!”  I have peed all over myself, my pants are all wet, and the urine is flowing out the door!  I timidly answered, “Yes, everything is fine.  Sorry about that. I will be right out!”  Oh my gosh, I did not want to leave that bathroom until we landed!  I couldn’t bear to open that door and look at the flight attendant’s face.  I managed to rinse of my pants, open the door, keep my head down and pretend I didn’t see them standing there and dash back to my seat!  I said to my husband, “It’s time to switch. Please go back to your seat.”  He kindly offered to give up his seat in the back with my nice quiet daughter. I enjoyed her peaceful demeanor. She was content to color quietly, read softly to herself or look out the window.  I took a quick peek in the back and saw the flight attendants standing there, and I thought no, that’s okay, I’ll stay right here. When I told my husband what happened, he couldn’t stop cracking up!  It was not funny!  Not at all.  Finally, it was time to land.  Whew!  What a trip.  I was exhausted and soggy. Anyone want to beat that airplane trip with kids?  I bet you can’t!

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2 Responses to “FUNNY TALE: The Lady in 4P”

1. Cathy says:

   January 23, 2010 at 1:19 am

   Hi justed wanted to know where all these shirts are with all the different designs on them under funny tales
2. Nina Frye says:

   January 23, 2010 at 1:26 am

   Hi - they are on http://www.ltdchix.com.